


If You Only Knew

by KaylaRachille



Category: All American (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Related, Cruise Ships, During Canon, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Mother-Son Relationship, Panic Attacks, Secrets, Summer, Summer Vacation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-20 13:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaylaRachille/pseuds/KaylaRachille
Summary: Asher is holding onto another summer secret that he is afraid to tell anyone because it could tear his family apartagain.Snippet from Chapter Two:"Asher? Where are you? Are you almost ready?" Harold calls out to his son from downstairs as he drops his car keys onto the coffee table before draping his coat over the arm of the couch."Yeah, dad I'm up here," Asher yells over his shoulder while shoving the various jars and bottles back under the sink in an unorganized mess and then moving to stand up and place them back on the bathroom shelf."Asher, what are you—" His dad asks pushing the halfway open bathroom door the rest of the way open as his eyes land on his son hurriedly picking up an arm full of jars and bottles from the tiled floor."Sorry for the mess dad," Asher says freezing in his spot after he places the jars and bottles back onto the shelf before he casts his gaze back down to the floor that is still littered with the various bottles and jars."Asher, where else have you looked?" His dad asks crossing his arms over his chest giving him a knowing look.(Mainly set between Seasons Two and Three)
Relationships: Asher Adams & Vanessa Montes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Finding You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, y'all! 😊
> 
> I am so excited to be posting this first chapter of this story that I have been thinking about for the last few weeks. And I know here I go working on yet another story when I have other ones that are still in progress. But not to worry because I am working on them all a little bit at a time! 😄
> 
> So, in this chapter, Asher will be deciding on whether or not to finally come clean about what happened during the summer. 
> 
> And I went ahead and put the tag for this story diverting from what happens in canon because I am pretty sure what I have planned is not going to happen in the show! 😉
> 
> Please enjoy it! <3
> 
>  **Please Note:** This chapter picks up right after the sixth episode of season three. So, if you haven't seen it yet then please know that this chapter does contain spoilers. And then in the next chapter things will be going back to the start of the summer.
> 
> P.S. And this story is extra special since it marks my thirtieth work for this fandom! It's a little hard for me to believe that in less than a year I have been able to write that many stories (some of which are still works in progress, but I am planning on finishing them all though!) Like honestly, I want to thank each of you so much for reading my stories, leaving kudos on my works, and for the amazing and encouraging comments that you leave as well! You guys are the best! And just knowing that y'all enjoy my writing, which is one thing that brings me so much joy to do it, means the absolute world to me! 💛

The moonlight filtering through the almost bare trees illuminates the forest floor in its ethereal light providing him with enough light to not trip on any of the stones or tree roots littering the same dirt path that they all had just hours before chased each other along in a playful water gun war.

But their laughter had faded away with the setting sun as secret after secret had been unveiled around the campfire that was now just a pile of ashes.

Just like his relationship with his girlfriend and his best friend.

By the time he makes it to the clearing his tears that were falling just moments have now stopped leaving his cheeks feeling chapped as if he's been out in the wind all day.

And of course, just like every other time in his life, he ruined everything as his anger resurfaced winning over his real emotions for what was displayed on the outside.

Because he wasn't honestly angry with Olivia for being there for Spencer.

Or was he mad at her for helping him to get his life back on track when all he continued to do was to run into the ground.

He wasn't mad at Jordan either like the way he outed him about his concussion made him appeared like he was.

And he wasn't mad at Vanessa for seeing what good parts of him were left even though she didn't know the other side of him.

The side that was always making mistakes and never took accountability for his actions.

But the one person he was boiling over with anger was with himself for keeping a secret that could ruin everything for him and his family.

“Asher?” Calls a voice that echoes throughout the vast forest as an owl answers back from its perch on a tree branch.

He presses his lips together debating on whether he should call out to the voice to tell the person where he is or if he should scream at the top of his lungs for them to go away.

He chooses to stay silent as the footsteps grow closer like so many nights that he spent during the summer standing on the shore listening to the waves crash with the truth on his lips that he didn't even dare to speak out loud to the dark ocean in fear that someone would accidentally hear his whispered words.

Because speaking the truth out loud about what really happened over the summer scares him only because he knows the domino effect it would cause in his family's life. And since he just got his family back together in a way that he still isn't totally for sure they won't fall apart once more like they did last year. But it was something that he wasn't willing to risk losing _again_.

“Asher. There you are.” Vanessa says letting out a relieved breath when she finally comes around a bend in the trail to find Asher, the boy she met over the summer, standing in the clearing with his face turned up toward the night sky. “Are you okay?” She asks the question that has been on her lips since Olivia came back to the cabin visibly upset.

“I'm fine,” Asher tells her without making eye contact keeping his eyes locked on the almost full moon.

“Everyone is heading out, but I wanted to make sure that you were okay first.” She explains taking a cautious step closer to her friend.

“I am so you can leave now.” He exclaims shutting his eyes tightly as the dark world starts to spin around him making him feel nauseous like when he was hiding his own concussion.

“Asher…” She tries again stepping closer with a stick snapping under her feet causing them both to jump at the sound.

“I’m fine Vanessa. So, please just leave me alone.” He pleads shaking his head as she takes no action to turn around and walk down the trail the way she came.

“Look I am here so we can talk about whatever happened with Olivia.” She offers remembering how Asher had told her about how he wished he had never left his girlfriend behind even though she had assured him that she would be okay while he was away. 

“It’s not that. I mean it's tearing me up inside that I just once again broke her heart. But…” He explains trailing off with the anger he is feeling at himself reaching a boiling over point.

“Is it about us?” She wonders not missing the way that she could feel the tension in the air every time that she was around the group.

“No.” He says shaking his head even though he knows that they do need to have a conversation about how they are just friends and how much he appreciates her friendship.

“Then what is it?” She inquiries hoping that he’ll open up to her about whatever is obviously eating away at him.

“Would you just let it go?” He tells her not understanding why she won’t just forget about him because he doesn’t feel like he is worthy of being saved by someone else yet again.

“No. because the Asher I meant this summer…” She starts to explain before he cuts her off before she can explain again about how she knows the person she met during the summer is still inside him and that he is worthy of standing up for himself.

“Vanessa don't please. You think you know me, but you really don't.” He exclaims his voice coming out in a near shout which he instantly kicks himself for.

“Yes, I do.” She argues wishing that he would listen to her because she can see so clearly through this façade that puts on in front of everyone else.

“No, you don’t because the person you met this summer in Mexico was running from the truth.” He tells her with his shoulders visibly slumping forward as he gives up his resolve to keep this secret any longer.

“What truth is that?” She asks reaching for his hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

“This summer something happened, and I don't know what to do about it,” Asher admits letting out a long breath after a long pause forcing himself to lock gazes with her even though his vision has become blurry with fresh tears once more.

“What happened Asher?” Vanessa questions hoping that she's ready for whatever truth her friend is about to unveil to her that is causing tears to shine in his blue eyes as he pulls his hand out of her grasp.

 _Here goes everything…_ Asher thinks swallowing with thick saliva slides down his dry throat as he shoves his cold hands into the pockets of his jacket with his voice coming out shaky before he parts his lips to speak the truth about what really happened during the summer in Mexico.

_Please forgive me…_


	2. Leaving You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asher is nervous about leaving his dad alone for the whole summer while he goes on vacation with his mom and stepdad since his dad is only a month into his sobriety from his battle with alcoholism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, y'all! 😊
> 
> I am so very excited to be back with another chapter of this story and I hope that it finds each of you doing well!
> 
> So, in this chapter, Asher will be leaving his dad behind in Beverly as he goes on vacation with his mom and stepdad.
> 
> Please enjoy it! <3
> 
>  **Please Note:** This chapter does deal with some potentially triggering topics that include past alcoholism and a panic attack. So, please read with extra caution and care. <3
> 
> P.S. A little fun fact about this chapter and the next one is that I wrote them both almost a year ago for another story that I never ended up posting. But luckily they both ending up working for this story! 😊

**(Start of Summer)**

An hour after Olivia had left assuring him once more that she would be waiting for him after he came back from vacation Asher steps out of the restaurant instantly regretting his choice of wearing a long-sleeved shirt with sweat instantly starting to run down his face and the back of his neck with the warm California sun shining brightly down on him as he crosses the busy street to his car.

With his phone buzzing in his pocket after he settles behind the steering wheel he looks down at his phone after he pulls it out of his pocket expecting to find a text or a call from Olivia flashing on his screen but instead, he is surprised to find a text from his mom asking him when he is going to be arriving at her house in Malibu.

 _I just have to stop by the house to get the last of my bags and then I’ll be on my way._ He informs his mom before he pulls away from the curb.

“Shit.” He mutters after a car cuts him off as he slams on his brakes to avoid rear-ending the other car in front of him. “Watch where you’re going next time asshole.” He says fighting the urge to flip off the other driver who doesn’t even bother to acknowledge what he just did before he turns down another street.

After he comes to a stop at the traffic light as a silver glint flashes out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, he looks down in the floorboard to find his flask that he hasn’t since he was sleeping in his car last year after his dad had kicked him out of the house for getting kicked off the football team that instantly makes his heart race at the thought of his dad finding something like this while he is away that may cause him to start drinking again.

 _I’ve got to make sure that we got all of the alcohol out of our house._ He thinks as there is no way he is going to leave his dad alone all summer without knowing for sure that he’s going to be able to stay sober.

Asher pulls into the driveway at the guest house that him and his dad have now called home for almost a year to find his dad’s car still gone which meant that he was still at work.

With panic sweeping through his body, he looks in every hiding place that he can think of for any alcohol that his dad may have hidden or that he may have replaced with a new bottle after they had gone through and poured bottle after bottle of his dad’s chosen poison down the sink drain after his dad had decided to get sober.

After going through the kitchen cabinets and drawers, the laundry room cabinet and shelves, his dad's dresser and nightstand and closet, and his own dresser, nightstand, and closet, and then the hall closet and finding nothing but it still hadn't eased his anxiety about leaving his dad alone for two months.

The only place left to look was his dad's car which he couldn't right now since his dad was at work.

Asher lets out a deep sigh as he runs his hand over his face tiredly since his knees have grown numb from where he has been kneeled on the bathroom floor looking over each bottle and jar that he had taken out of the bathroom cabinet and from under the sink so that he could inspect each label and contents to make sure they matched.

And much to his relief they had.

Hearing the front open and close he starts to hurriedly place everything back under the sink as fear washed over him that his dad was going to find about him not trusting him.

"Asher? Where are you? Are you almost ready?" Harold calls out to his son from downstairs as he drops his car keys onto the coffee table before draping his coat over the arm of the couch.

"Yeah, dad I'm up here," Asher yells over his shoulder while shoving the various jars and bottles back under the sink in an unorganized mess and then moving to stand up and place them back on the bathroom shelf.

"Asher, what are you—" His dad asks pushing the halfway open bathroom door the rest of the way open as his eyes land on his son hurriedly picking up an arm full of jars and bottles from the tiled floor.

"Sorry for the mess dad," Asher says freezing in his spot after he places the jars and bottles back onto the shelf before he casts his gaze back down to the floor that is still littered with the various bottles and jars.

"Asher, where else have you looked?" His dad asks crossing his arms over his chest giving him a knowing look.

"Dad, I—" Asher stammers out hating how his dad’s voice and his dad’s eyes are filled with hurt when he locks their gazes.

"Asher don't lie to me.' His dad says sternly leaning against the doorframe.

Asher looks down again at the jars and bottles feeling tears prick at the corner of his eyes as his hands start to shake at the thought of what he was looking for but didn't find. He looks up at his dad finally taking a deep breath.

"I-I'm s-sorry dad. I-I just-" Asher chokes out feeling his breath catching in his throat without knowing how to voice to his dad about what it was he was doing.

At hearing the emotion in his son's voice and change in his breathing Harold makes his way over to him and places his hands on his shoulders with a gentle squeeze. "Hey, hey look at me." Trying to catch his son's wide tear-filled eyes that are darting around the room unfocused.

"Asher, please look at me.” Harold pleads with Asher as he moves his hands to cup his son's face after not getting a response from him.

After hearing the desperation edging into his dad's voice Asher flicks his eyes to his dad’s face only finding concern there instead of the anger he had been expecting.

“I'm okay son. You're okay. We're okay. Just breathe, okay.” Harold instructs gently feeling relieved when Asher finally takes in a shuddering breath. “Yeah, in and out just like that." He encourages his son with the minutes blurring together as he continues to instruct him to breathe. 

_In and out...in and out....in and out...in and out...in and out...in and out…_

With his breath finally returning fully to his aching chest as he rubs his right hand along his chest in hopes to ease some of the achiness and tightness that keeps intensifying with each restricted breath that he inhaled during his panic attack as his eyes focus on his dad's worried face. "Dad?" He whispers with his throat dry.

"Yeah, I'm here son. I'm here." His dad assures him pulling him into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry dad. I just had to make sure that we got it all. I didn't want anything left around to tempt you. I was afraid to leave you without checking first." Asher explains breaking down into sobs pressing the side of his face into his dad's shirt.

With his heart shattering at his son's words Harold brings his right hand to the back of his son's head running his fingers through his short hair. "Shush Asher it's okay and I am going to be okay too," Harold promises in a soothing tone hoping that his son will believe him.

"I trust you though dad. I really do." Asher tells him with his voice coming out thick with emotion.

"I know you do. You just wanted to check for your peace of mind." Harold exclaims as Asher nods slightly in response. He pulls his son back gently so he can look him in the eyes finding that his eyes are still red-rimmed and puffy but no longer have the look of fear in them.

Giving his son an encouraging smile and waiting for him to return it before speaking again as few stray tears fall from Asher's eyes and he reaches up to brush them away.

"Asher, I want you to listen to me. Please don't ever apologize again for caring about me. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I am so happy to have a son like you who is always looking out for me. I have hurt you with everything that has happened between your mom and I but I promise I am going to do better. And as far the drinking goes I am done. So I am going to be okay this summer. I have a job now so things are looking up for us. And I have my weekly AA meetings and I have my sponsor's number on speed dial. And we got rid of all the alcohol already. But thank you for checking again. I love you so much Asher." Harold explains all the things that he should have told his son months again with tears falling from his eyes.

"I love you too dad," Asher says before he pulls his dad in for a hug.

"Now we better go load the rest of your bags in the car before your mom sends Jacob and his private jet here to get you." Harold jokes hoping to lighten the mood after they pull back out of their embrace.

"Dad." Asher laughs shaking his head at the joke. "I'll clean up in here first though." He decides looking down again at the bottles and jars that are still on the floor that he had almost forgotten about.

"Leave it I'll get it later." His dad says with a wave of his hand.

"Only if you're sure," Asher exclaims biting on his bottom lip nervously.

"Yeah, I'm sure." His dad says with a nod before he turns leaving the bathroom waiting for his son to follow him before they head downstairs with Asher feeling better about going on vacation with his mom.

Harold watches through the open front door at his son loading his things into his car with a smiling finding its way onto his lips before turning his attention back to his ex-wife’s voice in his ear.

"Yeah, Gwen he's packing the last of his stuff into his car right now." He explains to his ex-wife trying to ease the worry in her voice.

"He texted saying he was leaving almost two hours ago. Did something happen?" Gwen questions tapping her heel against the marble floor in the entryway as she pauses her pacing.

"He was worried about leaving me alone before checking to make sure there was no alcohol in the house." He tells her feeling nothing but gratitude toward their son for caring so much about him.

"Oh, I didn't realize you were quitting again." She exclaims genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, since the beginning of the month." He says feeling proud that he had almost made it a month of being sober.

"That's great." She tells him hoping that for the sake of their son that he truly means it this time.

Asher waves to his dad from where he stands by his car with all his bags now packed.

"Looks like he's ready now. You guys have a great time." He exclaims wishing that all of their conversations in the past could have been this easy.

"We will. Thank you for letting him come." She says knowing that her worry won’t diminish until her son pulls into her driveway.

"Yeah, for sure," Harold tells her before hanging up his phone as he walks out to say goodbye to his son.

"Was that mom?" Asher questions leaning on his car after he packed his last bag into the trunk.

"Yeah, she was just about to send Jacob to fuel up his jet, but I told her there was no need to since you were about to be on your way." His dad explains with a light-hearted laugh.

"Thanks for clearing that up for me," Asher tells him before he joins in on his dad’s laughter. "Dad if you need anything you can call me." He assures hoping that his dad will call him if he feels the urge to drink again.

"I know it and thank you. I'll be fine. Now you go and enjoy yourself that is your only task for the summer. Okay?"

"I will." He says with a nod stepping forward to give his dad a goodbye hug. "Bye, Dad. I'll call you when I get there." Asher promises his dad after they pull back.

"Bye, Asher. Drive safe. Love you." Harold exclaims knowing he’s going to count the days until his son comes back home.

"I love you too, Dad," Asher tells him with an excited smile as he hopes that the vacation his mom has planned for them is going to be as much fun as she promised him it would be.

Asher rounds the car to the driver's side waving to his dad before getting in. Harold watches his son’s taillights fade down the driveway as he continues to stand there for a while letting the quiet surround him before he turns back toward the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I would love to know what y'all thought about the second chapter of this story which I hope that you are enjoying reading! <3
> 
> And I would love to know any predictions that you have for what is going to happen in the coming chapters.
> 
> If you did enjoy this chapter, then please leave me a comment with your thoughts and/or a kudos!
> 
> Your guy's comments and kudos make my day and make me smile! 💛
> 
> The next chapter is going to be called _Meeting You_ \- Asher will be meeting his stepdad for the first time after he arrives his mom's new house in Malibu.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I would love to know what y'all thought about the first chapter of this story which I hope that you are enjoying reading! <3
> 
> And I would love to know any predictions that you have for what is going to happen in the coming chapters. 
> 
> If you did enjoy this chapter, then please leave me a comment with your thoughts and/or a kudos! 
> 
> Your guy's comments and kudos make my day and make me smile! 💛
> 
> The next chapter is going to be called _Leaving You_ \- Asher will be leaving his dad home alone while he goes on summer vacation with his mom and stepdad. 
> 
> What do y'all think is Asher's other summer secret?


End file.
